Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
