all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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