Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
