Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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