I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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