Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
