She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
