I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
