One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
