my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
operation have a gay friend backfired
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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