dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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