I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
