I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
