Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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