I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
