so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
