I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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