she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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