just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
