I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
