My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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