Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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