First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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