Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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