just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
