Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
