Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i think my cat just said my name.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
