can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
