I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
