finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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