I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
