I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
