U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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