dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
