I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
