two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
