her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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