Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
