I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
