i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize
