u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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