you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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