Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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