She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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