I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
