I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
