thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
