Where is the hickey?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
