I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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