I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
